broken eyed factories on north broad
provide the set of an empire's fall
as monkeys masked
with barbie doll heads
mime human fates at the end of chains
I saw the city again today,
a naked look of elegant despair,
Victorian home peering into lost streets.
on the skyline, the church of dead dreams
preached the song of mirrors.
Angels spawned lies to unearth
treasure that comes by revenge
and regain paradise.
city, you take verbs from me,
encase them in anger and bile
and hang their husks from the lamp posts.
Give me the juice to set me loose.
I want to feel
there's nothin' left
between me and death.
(c) copyright 2012 Charles David Miller. All rights reserved.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Set Me Loose
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Very spontaneous feel to this, writing that seems effortless, and conveys a load and a half for each cleanly assembled phrase. Really enjoy your work, Chaz. Your eye for a theme is spot on. I'm not a big line quoter, but I really like "..a naked look of elegant despair...' calls the image of the faded gingerbread up perfectly.
ReplyDeletepersonally i love the city...and it is stark at time...some witchy imagery...and city, you take verbs from me is a killer line....love your descriptions in this...but if i dream of monkeys with barbie doll heads i am coming back to complain...smiles.
DeleteBill, that image was taken from a newspaper photo of street vendors who cut off Barbie doll heads and putbthem on monkeys who then dance for money.
DeleteReally just a get up and go appeal to your verse today, really made me want to get up and do something as well. The pacing just made for that type of feel, nice!
ReplyDeleteHard to live in, often hard to look at ...cities, and they do, at times, take the breath away as well as words, verbs...altho you seemed to have found them for this naked truth write. The second stanza, in particular, hooked me.
Deletethe set of an empire's fall
ReplyDeleteas monkeys masked
with barbie doll heads...this is just awesome... and then...the city takes verbs and gives words back..i always find this kind of urban ugliness highly attractive...and love that killer last stanza
Wow! I love it. Employable read from start to finish. I loved the end :)
ReplyDeletequite a dim view of society. i like it:), the bleak landscape and the mirrors the churchgoers see. the last graph is my favorite. it concludes the mood of the piece quite well. it's also the cleanest graph so the reader falls through it especially quick to a satisfying, sudden end.
ReplyDeletelike Ed said... quite a dim view of society, and that's exactly what is seen when those who like the truth look with their eyes... great write
ReplyDeleteYour last stanza is a brilliant killing blow! (not a play on words) Give me the juice to set me lose (This rhyme addict LOVED that) It is dark and mysterious, haunted and defeated. It is heavy in shadows, and Charles...it is brilliant.
ReplyDeleteSo gritty and grim. I loved the line, "city, you take verbs from me..."
ReplyDeleteReally nice job here. Really like the idea of human fates, the song of mirrors, the fourth stanza is awesome and the softening of tone a bit there with that first line in the last stanza- an extremely effective touch there. Great job. Thanks
ReplyDeleteOh so good...I really enjoyed reading this...some great images...well done!
ReplyDeleteFor me, this has a wonderfully gritty feel to it-----
ReplyDeletecity, you take verbs from me,
encase them in anger and bile
and hang their husks from the lamp posts.
Just wonderful writing---
@AudreyHowitt