Saturday, July 21, 2012

Slake Thirst

He always went out on yellow alert,

this cabron with the .45 snug

against the small of his back. The barrio

in decline, he'd run off thieves and junkies

in the night. We said we'd write a film

about right-wing extremists stealing

a warhead but never did. His sad corrido

for mock terrorist attacks and gas raids filled the cab

of the DOE truck with dust and laughter.

I was along to write a report.

I could have said as much about the son

who almost died of heroin, or the wife

refusing cancer treatments to make him pay

for his infidelities.

 

He lived for the adrenaline rush. But I wonder

if the job's stress wore a hole in his life

or if he drank that bottle just to eat

the worm at the bottom. He left the frayed and brown

family history in my office, but we never talked about it.

Those roots in the land,

in time, torn up by the war machine he never questioned,

the nuclear winds and blinding light he thought he could ride

like a bronco busting legend. Or was the question there,

hidden, an unfinished addition to the adobe home,

its uneven walls uneven testimony to his loyalty

for those secrets he'd kill me for if he told me,

he said smiling. I laughed. It was that laugh sharpened

on the edge of despair and paranoia that I loved.

 

We won the war and now the world's free for democracy

and gain. The smoothed over graves of toxic waste

and chemicals haunt the imaginations of the unwise.

He will only divulge what he knows in epigrams

and sad stories learned at his grandmother's knee.

I heard in his voice the struggle that puts

the world back on its hinge, balanced in that

ever disappearing stream whose reality we cannot doubt

since it is where we slake our thirst.


 

22 comments:

  1. dang charles, what an awesome write...may be my new fav by you.. you do not only make me see but feel him...full with tight emotions, snippets of his personality and a whole group of people he typifies and great lines like ..if he drank that bottle just to eat the worm at the bottom..

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    1. I really wanted to capture the morally ambiguous character of the man. I also wanted to capture that machismo, so characteristic of NM Hispanics of his generation. This is both exciting, fun, caprivatibg and destructive to himself and to his family. OTOH, the nature of the work he did at the Lab, was stressful physically, as well as psychologically. One might be hard-pressed to say what contributed more to his family life - the job of protecting the nation from nuclear attack or the cult of the macho male.

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  2. Wow!

    "He lived for the adrenaline rush. But I wonder
    if the job's stress wore a hole in his life
    or if he drank that bottle just to eat
    the worm at the bottom."

    Imagine what it took out of him to drive the yellow alert effectively?
    I can, now that you've given it images from "the small of his back" to "hidden, an unfinished addition to the adobe home,
    its uneven walls uneven testimony to his loyalty"

    courage and truck and home and adrenaline and responsibility--
    thank God for him.

    "I heard in his voice the struggle that puts
    the world back on its hinge, balanced in that
    ever disappearing stream whose reality we cannot doubt
    since it is where we slake our thirst.
"

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  3. refusing cancer treatments to make him pay

    for his infidelities....dang...he live forth rush, (i know a few of those)...really like how you developed his charaacter in your verse...the laughter...can def see him...

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  4. Reminds me of a few post war books I've read. All different eras, wars and ages but the vicious cycle just won't tire itself. I not only read of him but see him, well done Charles.

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  5. The vivid images you use build a character that is seen, understood, and well met. He lives in real time as well as in the imagination. His life is worn smooth as glove leather, his lessons need to be taught and so you have done with excellence here!

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  6. KInd of chilling this - I picture a vigilante of sorts-- not an unlikeable one!--your image of the slaking thirst is so apt; even the toxic can feel better than running on empty. k. (I posted a process poem, but you'd probably like the other one better re Hell - I had two posts today, kind of crazy. I'm not sure quite why! Thinking about Aurora, but did not want to miss dVerse.) k

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  7. "the wife
    refusing cancer treatments to make him pay
    for his infidelities. "

    god, the desperation of that, and yet i know someone who this reminds me of...
    I feel for this character you write about and begin to think I know him, like him even. There's something to be said for living always on the extreme edge of life - not many of us have that kind of courage.

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  8. An intense write, Charles. This guy has had a lot to suffer through and suffer for. His wife refusing cancer treatment..wow. I knew a Vietnam vet once who always lived for the adrenaline rush war gave him; and he returned a damaged man. It sounds as if this man came home damaged too.

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  9. A powerful write throughout but the lines about the wife refusing cancer treatments to make him pay also jumped out for me, excellent because that's the oddity of life sometimes isn't it? Great write Charles.

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  10. raw edges
    very personal
    but also feels
    like more universal
    grit

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  11. Very powerful stuff and true to our times, particularly like the last verse.

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  12. There is such sadness in this man who keeps probably most of his experiences to himself, thus alienating those closest to him, perhaps. What things he must have seen, to cause him to have such an attitude, and that paranoia.

    A very interesting character portrait. Very much enjoyed reading this.

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  13. This is superb. Passages like

    He lived for the adrenaline rush. But I wonder

    if the job's stress wore a hole in his life

    or if he drank that bottle just to eat

    the worm at the bottom.

    really expose the man and raise this above the ordinary.

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  14. It's an amazing description of a guy I'd like to hate but you make him too real for that with his balancing edge of what's been done to him. Great writing!

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  15. Gritty and vivid painting of the man living on the edges of maddening adrenalin rush ~ His life seems full of secrets and anguish ~ Enjoyed the visit Charles ~

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  16. this piece has a powerful draw. I lean in closer when I read it. the man, his ways, almost understandable. your description and rhythmic way of unwrapping him here, for us to read, is amazing. such great work.

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  17. Vivid characterisation - he's as he is

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  18. Gorgeous. Heartbreaking. Brilliant.

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  19. A sober write, powerfully described, well done!

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  20. In case you don't return to my poem "Making Theatre,"here is my reply to your fine comment: "I truly love the "shaman" takes of Grotowski. Peter Brook worked with his ideas (and Artaud's) and comments on that in "The Empty Space." And you are right to point out that going pure Stanislavski as I have above, emphasizes a psychological approach that leaves out other possible approaches to the craft of acting. If I were writing a history, I'd have to eliminate my bias, but . . . what if the speaker weren't me (it is), what if it were God? I like playing with ideas, and I like Stanislavski as interpreted through Robert Cohen. Are you in the field of theatre?"

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  21. great write ...really felt for the character in this tale ...thanks for sharing x

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